Mo'Feir (ch. 3 continued)

I had no clue what to say to her. No clue, but I had to say something, hell, I wanted to talk to her about everything…but I couldn’t. What to say? I thought, wishing I had never asked her to talk with me in the first place.
“Well, I talked to Unique today. She was thinking about coming over tomorrow and then riding out with you,” I said. Give me a break, I couldn’t think of anything else.
“Oh, for real. That’s cool,” she said sitting up and getting out of the bed. She moved constantly, and I always wondered why. I watched her as she sat down on the floor leaning against the wall. Mmh, sexy, I thought.
“What?” she asked, looking at me confused. I must have said that aloud without being aware.
“Nothin, talking to myself, really.”
“Ummm, alrighty then. I know there is something you want to talk to me about so stop running all around it and get to it,” she said. Demanding. Reconsidering? was the thought that popped up, then I shook it away.
“Look, I know you are new to this, and I don’t want to hurt you at all, but there are some things that you don’t know about me, and…well, I don’t know if you will like them or not. I just….shit, I don’t know,” I said, giving up on explaining myself to her. It was just hard to find words when I was telling her what was on my mind.
“Talk to me, Mo,” she said looking straight at me. I sat up and sat on the edge of the bed.
“If we are best friends, how come we don’t know that much about each other?” I asked, looking at her silhouette in the dark.
“Worded that wrong, Mo. You know a lot about me, all I know is the basic stuff about you. You know enough about me to know my mother’s middle name, what time I was born, and what makes me mad enough to drive a car through someone’s house. I don’t know anything past your name, birthday, favorite color, favorite food-”“I get it, Keegan, I get it,” I said wishing I hadn’t asked that one.
“Why don’t you tell me about things that have gone on in your past? Why are you so secretive?” she sounded concerned, nearly agitated as well.
“Because there are some things that are better left alone, you know?” I said watching her. She motioned to pull her hair back, which was already back in a ponytail, realized what she had done, and put her hands down. Habit.
“No, I don’t know, Mo. That’s why I would want to know, and if I decide to continue to pursue a relationship with you, you have to talk to me. You have to trust me. I may not have ever been in a real relationship, but I know what is required-”
“Okay, I got you. I hear you,” I said cutting her off before she said something that I didn’t want to hear.
“You just cut me off. Don’t cut me off,” she said standing up, still leaning against the wall.
“Why not? I mean, I understand what you’re saying,” I said.
“Look,” she said. “I’m starting to get a bad vibe with this already. If you don’t want to tell me who you are…then don’t. I will tell you this much though, I am not going to be in any relationship where I don’t know anything about my man.”
She said it. Damn. She said what I didn’t want to hear. I stood up and stepped about five feet away from her.
“Some things you just have to give time, okay? I don’t have to just up and…and tell you everything about me. Some shit doesn’t even seem possible to say. I can’t even say some things to myself,” I said, getting a little loud only because she had done the same. “Don’t try to pressure me because I can’t seem to tell you everything.”
“I’m not pressuring you to do anything, it’s you who obviously wants to tell me something. If you don’t, then don’t tell me,” she said getting louder. “Wouldn’t bother me any. You should know what you’re going to talk about before you try to hold a conversation on the personal level.”
That hit me. I closed the space between us until I was less than six inches away from her.
“You know what, I don’t care. I don’t care. If you think I’m not trying, that’s you. If you don’t want to be with me, you are entitled to your own decision making. But I will tell you this…I want you. More than you know, I want you to be there for me, I want you to be able to feel me, I want to be able to talk to you,” I said, lowering my voice nearly to a whisper as I spoke. “Just bear with me. I haven’t been in a relationship in a while so just try to hang with me.”
“Anything else you want to say?” she asked. She sounded as if she didn’t even hear what I had just said.
“I want to make this work. We haven’t even started and we’re having problems. I want this to work out right for us,” I said. She didn’t say anything for a moment.
“Why wont you kiss me?” she asked.
“Because I,” I started before realizing what she said. “Why wont I kiss you?”
“I didn’t stutter, Mo.”
“You want me to kiss you or something?” I asked stepping a little closer to her. “I will if you want me to.”
I had her caught between me and the wall, and our faces were only an inch apart.
“Tell me,” I said, getting close enough to catch her breath for her if I wanted to, then placing my hands around her waist. I put on a smile that she could possibly feel, and watched her react to what I was doing. I didn’t kiss her because I didn’t think she was ready for that. Not that she had never kissed, I know she had, but she wasn’t ready for mine. My kisses led to other things if you get what I’m saying.
“I want you to…” she said in barely a whisper. I smiled, could have appeared a little mischievous, but there was another meaning behind that. I could feel that feeling, like I needed something and she had it. If I didn’t stop myself soon I would end up with a hard on and no way to get rid of it. She was already sexy and didn’t know it…
“You want me to what?” I whispered, my lips close to her ear. I awaited her reply with patience that was running out. She was taking forever to answer me, and I started to think she wouldn’t.
“Ki-” she started before I kissed her, cutting her off completely. She was warm, her lips were warm, her tongue was warm. Holding her was like holding a heartbeat…I couldn’t even explain it. I took a step back and she stepped with me, placing her hands on my chest and tugging at my shirt. I was tempted…so tempted, but I couldn’t take it there. Not yet. Any longer and I’d be in some trouble. I pulled away, and she stood there with her eyes closed. I stepped back a few steps and looked at her biting my lip, the taste of hers still lingering there.
“You like that?” I asked once she opened her eyes to look at me.